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Weekly Encouragement

Pastor, Who Should I Marry?

Author: Oluwole Joseph 

Marriage is more serious than most people realize. It’s a relationship that is easy to enter, but almost impossible to exit. You can change your address, you can change you dress, but to change your spouse could be suicidal. It’s a union that takes all of you. So who do you marry?

A relationship is the foundation for everything, and many people are dating without having a relationship. You must marry based on agreements and stay agreed. You may disagree sometimes, but you have to agree on fundamentals. Every relationship requires a solid foundation for it to survive in difficult times.

The person you intend to marry should have developed an intimate and personal relationship with God, discovered his or herself as an individual,  and learned to love and accept who they are.  These things determine the health of any relationship.

True self-esteem does not come from achievements; it comes from personal discovery. We don’t find our worth in other people’s opinion, but in the experiences we have been through and the discoveries we have made.

Let me progress like this, you must marry on purpose — not for pleasure or passion. You must marry for values and not for vain things; priorities change while purpose remains forever. You must examine your values critically before you decide to marry. Couples planning to marry must ensure they share common values; it will prevent unnecessary conflicts in the future.

Marry someone  who has decided to do something with their lives and not those who are living by chance. Marry realist: those who back their words and faith with action, yet build their castles in the air. Marry a committed friend: someone who identifies your strengths and weaknesses and helps you to manage them well; someone who challenges your potential and helps you deploy and maximize it.

It’s important to marry a person who is secure in who God created them to be.  Doing this will erase stupid competition or crisis within the relationship. It‘s terrible for spouses to compete or be intimated by one another. If they are secure with whom they are, they will feel neither inferior nor superior in the relationship.

Remember not to marry for beauty, but for balance. Don’t seek someone who has great charm, yet lacks character. Begin a relationship with someone who has a vision in mind — an individual who is seeking to fulfill a good purpose and pursue a positive passion in life.

Don’t marry for wealth; marry for wisdom. For wisdom is better than money and will produce durable riches. It is better to marry an average, humble, and wise person than a rich and proud fool. Wisdom builds, but pride destroys what had already been built.

A man brings protection and attention while a woman brings affection and compassion. Your future spouse should be someone who helps you grow.  To assess this early on, ask yourself: has this person helped me become a better person? Have they hindered me, or helped me? Do they promote positivity, or bring negativity? 

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